


Maybe I shouldn't love you (and you wouldn't die)

by yuuki_devil



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, F/F, F/M, Jealous Clarke, Multi, Multiverse, Parallel Universes, Threesome - F/F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-27 17:09:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6292780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuki_devil/pseuds/yuuki_devil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As she stares at the body of the woman she loves, Clarke smiles sadly, realizing the death sentence she carries over all the people she loves. Her father, Finn, and now Lexa.... And suddenly, suddenly she is happy that Raven was an "almost". And Clarke hates "Almost"s , because she loves Raven with the same passion she loves...loved, Lexa, but while she stares at Lexa's lifeless body, she is relieved that Raven is her "almost", the one that got away.</p><p>So, Clarke closes her eyes at night, and dreams of a world where she didn't carry a death sentence, where Lexa wasn't shot, and Raven was more than an "Almost" for both of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

As reality drawns her in, Clarke realizes this was inevitable. It was meant to happen, be it a stray bullet, a sword or poison, Lexa was going to die before Clarke even knew it. She had gotten to kiss Lexa's lifeless body one last time before she and Octavia were escorted back to camp Jaha, with no way of returning, at least for the moment. She had only exchanged the important news to her mother Abby before she retreated to her room, all the while hiding from Raven. She took off her jacket and laid back in the bed, staring at nothing with her mind in a milion different parts.

"I shouldn't fall in love with anyone, is that what the world is telling me? That I have a death sentence upon my love...Lexa..." 

Her face was formed in a frown, trying to not cry, to hold it in until it gets late at night. 

How did things end up like this? Clarke just couldn't understand why, just why her? Her father has been floated, betrayed by her own mother, then she was falling in love with Finn, without knowing he had a girlfriend, ending up having to kill him. Said girlfriend, with whom she fell in love more than she ever loved Finn. Clarke laughed at herself, thinking that maybe if she would have waited for Raven, or would have it been Raven that come down with her first maybe she wouldn't have made all these mistakes. But she can't blame Raven or Finn, because Finn had protected Raven and Clarke was grateful for that. 

After she killed Finn, she decided to try her best to stay away from Raven, to protect her from herself and this course she carries around. 

Lexa....Lexa looked like an unmovable object, but felt more like an unstoppable force. She appeared crashing with a calm face, and Clarke was somehow relieved, thinking that maybe she had found someone that wouldn't be affected by her death sentence, someone that would survive, like Raven did with her leg, and still be strong enough to be there and love her. But Lexa was dead, and Clarke's heart was breaking, the only thing keeping her alive and sane yet was the fact that Raven was alive. Brave, stubborn, smart and lovable Raven was alive, so close and so far away from Clarke but surviving. And that was all that kept Clarke where she was, in her reality.

Clarke sighed. She closed her eyes, ready to give in while thinking of another world, one where Lexa was alive, and where she never had to kill Finn, where she wasn't afraid to love Raven and she and Lexa would be closer.

A world where she didn't carry a death sentence. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


	2. Heaven and hell, an angel and a devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Clarke is a little too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously should start taking more time to write longer chapters. Not beta-ed haha So I guess I'm looking for betas, if anyone volunteers to suffer the pain of talking to me.

It is 11 am on a Sunday morning, and outside is a clear blue sky and noisy cars filing the silence. Her lower back is warm, the sun peaking out of the curtains falling over her, and the senzation makes the rest of the body feel cold, like an only ray of hope left to fall over her. Heavy with sleep, she raises her hand up in the bed to pull away a stray blonde hair from her face, slowly opening her sky blue eyes to take in the morning. 

Clarke is now awake in her bed, naked over the covers with the smell of old paint in the air, making the room feel small and yet so big. Her mouth is sour and her breathing still slow and steady as if she was still asleep, while her blue eyes stare at the empty side of the bed she is facing, realizing she fell asleep of the edge, with a lot of room for one...two people left. She shivers, feeling the coldness creep into her bones, the ray of sun over her lower back suddenly is a mocking promise, promise that if she opens the curtains she will be surrounded by the warmth, and yet , Clarke knows that that warmth won't fill the empty feeling inside of her. 

Clarke gets up, aware that tomorrow is Monday and she has to learn some more for her next exam. She is really glad that her mother had helped her get an apartment outside the campus, otherwise she wouldn't be able to sleep naked or walk around in minimal clothes. Clarke takes a shower and makes her coffee, now wearing her pajamas to protect herself from the cold. Her stomach rumbles, telling her she should eat something too but she can't bother herself to cook, because she hates to eat breakfast alone. 

Clarke tames down her hair, getting dressed and goes out to eat breakfast at her usual place. She smiles at Monty  
"Your usual?" he asks, already starting the preparation for her waffles with chocolate syroup, scrambled eggs and orange juice. 

"Yeah, thanks Monty." Clarke gives her a small smile while turning to go to her table, the one in the corner, by the window, only to see that it's occupied. She approaches it with a sigh, trying to decide if to wait until it gets free or sit at another table. She can see a boy with long hair, a smug smile on his face, looking at a girl that's siting with her back at Clarke. As she gets closer, she hears her voice...

"I freaking told Wick it would go boom in his face! Haha he should have listened to my warning, not think it was a joke" 

Her voice it's a little raspy, and at her small laugh Clarke feels her knees go weak, finding herself suddenly right in front of the table, and turns to look at the girl. She has has dark hair, pulled up in a ponytail, and Clarke wonders how it would feel to pass her hands thru it, she believes it would be art, a sudden inspiration already striking her. Her skin tone is a little darker than Clarke's, her eyes dark as chocolate with little stars in them, as if she knows something Clarke doesn't and that might be true. And her smile....oh god, Clarke realizes she's holding her breath but can't let it go, her smile is striking, like she knows the truth to happiness, and it is secured behind her soft lips and white teeth, on her tongue, and Clarke craves to taste what true happiness tastes like.

Clarke feels like she is staring at a devil, in the form a girl, here to capture and torture Clarke. A girl that turns her all knowing eyes to meet Clarke's, causing her to choke in the breath she was holding in.

"Hey hey, you ok?" The boy across the devil girl with the amazing smile asks 

"Ye-yes " Clarke clears her neck, her face growing hot as she sees that the girl is still looking at her. She's not saying anything, just staring at her with a small smile.

"Soooo, can we help you?" The boy speaks up again, staring at her confused and a little annoyed 

"You are sitting at my table." Clarke's face and neck go red, realizing what she just said to the pretty girl, slaming a hand over her stupid mouth.

"Your table? We were here first" The boy says more annoyed while the girl smirks at Clarke.  
"I-I" Clarke stuters

"You can sit with us, if you want" The devil girl tells Clarke, and Clarke feels like her heart started a race in her chest.

"You sure Raven? We were first, we don't have to obey her comands, like she's some princess" The long haired boy tells the girl, Raven (Clarke feels a shiver running down her spine, and thinks about how much the name suits her chocolate eyed godess) 

"Yeah I'm sure, I'm actually curious about princess here" Raven (Clarke takes a deep breath) smirks at her. 

"Here Clarke!" Monty makes his way over to her at that moment, and Clarke takes a seat beside the boy, so she could stare at her devil, Raven some more.  
"Thank you Monty " 

"Oh I see you have met Raven and Finn too, they just transfered here" He continues smiling at them all before going back to take care of the customers. 

Clarke looks down at her food, the chocolate on her waffles reminds her of the dark eyes staring at her still. Looking up at Raven's plate, she sees she also has waffles with chocolate, half eaten already, and with a ridiculous amount of chocolate on them. Her drink is dark, and she has a feeling it's something really sweet too. 

"So, Clarke" Clarke feels hell burning inside her at the way her name sounds on Raven's tongue "You also at Uni? What major? " 

Clarke makes eyes contact with her, feeling her eyes burning holes, melting her and reshaping "Medicine, to become a doctor, with a sub major in art"

"Art and doctor? Waw, got the beauty and brains! " Raven gifts Clarke with a genuine big smile, and Clarke's face is back at being red.  
"A-and you?" She whisper more than speaks while watching Raven's hands as they wrap around her mug, wondering how they would feel on her body.

"I am in science, engeneering, mechanincs, sfi stuff" Raven winks, making Clarke sweat and her heart catch speed again, ready to burst. "I am, what the kids call, a genius haha" Raven laughs at her own internal joke, and Clarke giggles with her, feeling like she understands it.

"And I am learning to become a police officer " A voice on her right says, and she turns to see the boy, Finn, with an annoyed smile, she forgot he was there. 

"That's nice" Clarke tells him, with little interest, before turning to stare at Raven again.

Her breakfast goes like that, staring at Raven, melting at under her gaze, hanging on her every word. When breakfast comes to an end, they exchange numbers and sit up. Then, Clarke feels her heart stop for a second, seeing Finn wraping his arm around Raven's wrist and pecking her lips. She feels like her world turns grey.

 

A month passes by with message exchanges and a few meetings in the halls. Clarke draws Raven, her room becoming a sanctuary where she goes crazy with the burning hell that Raven brings in her. Her chest in no longer empty, but not full either, just enough to burn her up, to make her want more. But she doesn't make a step, because Raven looks happy with Finn, they look in love, even if she doesn't like Finn.

 

Another month passes. Clarke wakes up and eats her usual breakfast in the place she met Raven, then goes to the library to get a book she needs. She is reading thru the pages of one of the books while walking, suddenly falling backwards with someone on her.  
"Fuck ! I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking whe-" Clarke stops mid-word when she opens her eyes and stares intro the green of a forest in the form of two eyes. She feels her ears become hot, blushing, while the lips so close to hers turn into a small smile and the figure sits up, holding out her hand for Clarke.

"It's ok, let me help you " To Clarke, it sounds like the voice is driping with honey, calm and controled, and the green eyes make her feel weak enough to need the strong looking hand. So Clarke raises her hand up, to met the one of the girl's and electricity goes in her body, a shiver down her spine. When she is up at the same level, and the helping hand let her go(and Clarke did her best to not chase it) , Clarke takes the girl in, her hands already craving for a pen and paper to draw her. She is like an angel, the light from the high window behind her gives her a halo above her head, dark, but not as dark as Raven's , hair falling free her back, with a slender body, green forest eyes and a soft smile on her face, calm and collected, with a warm presence, this girl reminds Clarke of Raven, because as Raven is her devil, this girl looks like her angel. Clarke reminds herself to blink, feeling her eyes burn with unshed tears, and she thinks that maybe they have met in a different life, in another universe, because something feels melancholic, and her heart beats faster. 

"Are you ok? " The angel asks, and Clarke whispers "Yeah..yes I'm alright, sorry for that, I wasn't looking where I was going"

"It's ok, I know how it is to get lost in a book" The smile on the angel's face grows a little while passing Clarke her book.

"I-I'm Clarke. " Clarke says, breathing deeply while her heart races away 

"Hi Clarke. I'm Lexa, It's nice to meet you" The angel, Lexa says and nods at her. 

"So, um, what-what are you doing here?" Clarke asks, and right after asking she feels like facepalming herself

"I'm here to get a book, Law and order" Lexa giggles at Clarke, sending her hear in another race, with more speed.

"Law and order? You are a law student then? " Clarke thinks this would fit Lexa, an angel of justice, as Raven would be a devil of creation.

"Yes, that is correct. And you, Clarke?" Clarke's heart misses another skip, her lungs fill with Lexa's parfume, close enough to smell it.

They go for caffee and keep talking, Clarke can't keep her eyes off her. It feels good to be the center of someone's attention, someone like Lexa or Raven.

Her happiness is cut short two days after, when she sees Lexa again. She's leaning over a table, her lips locked with another girl, who's name she learns later that is Costia. She spends more time in her apartment, now not only her room is full of drawings and painting of Raven and Lexa, but all her apartment as heaven and hell fight inside her, making her feel full but empty. And she is still alone, alone unless their attention is on her.

They become good friends, and 3 months later Lexa and Raven met, becoming friends too. And Clarke becomes content, satisfied with only their friendship for a while, until 3 years later. Three years later, still friends all of them, only difference now is that Raven is getting married to Finn, while Lexa is still dating Costia, in love as ever.

And 3 years and a half later, at Raven's wedding, Clarke watches them both. 

Raven is dressed in her white dress, cheeks flushed with happiness, her all knowing smile all too presistent, and after years of being beside her Clarke still feels like Raven knows something she doesn't, something she should know. She is the most beautiful bride Clarke has ever seen, even as her eyes met Clarke's and a hint of sadness breaks something inside. Lexa is dressed beautiful too, holding Costia's hand and smiling the same angel like smile, with her green forest eyes with the same hint of sadness Raven showed Clarke for a second, and Clarke feels more and more like she should know something, like she is missing something, the void inside her growing as the priest starts talking.

Clarke thinks back to all their moments together, knowing this will be a new begining, it will make a difference and change everything in all three of their lifes. She thinks back to the nights it was only the three of them, watching movies, cuddling on a couch, hands touching when they reached for the popcorn. Of the moments stolen when they would sleep in the same bed, how she would crave them, wish for them, pray to god and devil, for their happiness but maybe also hers, wondering why it wasn't her, and why she never made a move.

She thinks of the time Raven's lips touched her, they felt cold from the pool water where they had fallen together by mistake. She thinks of the time Lexa's lips brushed hers when they had turned their heads at the same time so close together, so warm. She thinks of the times she would sleep between them, feeling protected and loved, heaven and hell all the same in these moments.

"If there is anyone here that is opposed to them, please talk now or shut up forever." The priest's voice makes Clarke open her eyes, meeting Raven's under her veil, then meeting Lexa's that is seated beside her.

She thinks of all the moments spent together. And decides it is enough for her, for now. For this is where she realizes she is in love (again, after years of trying to get over) . And that they are never meant to be. 

So Clarke keeps her mouth closed, closing her eyes, waiting for it to be over, because it feels too late, a little too late. All the lingering touches, the special smiles, her painting. It's a little too late. 

"Well... at least I'll let them be happy" she whispers and braces herself to hear the word that in this moment , she never wants to hear.

"Raven Reyes, would you take this man, Finn Collins, to be your lawfuly husband, to love and care, in good and bad?"

".........."

A little too late.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok soooo, I have writen fanfiction before, but I never really commited to any because I'm not that good of a writer sadly. So, please don't have expectations too big haha xD But I accept criticism, comments if anyone wants to talk about it with me. And, I pretty much love Raven with all the girls in The 100, and some boys, because Raven is precious and she deserves all the love in the universe, no argument is valid against this.


End file.
